Season One:
1. “Officer Jay” – After taking too much cough syrup, Sarah ends up driving her car onto a playground and getting charged with a DUI. The charges are dropped when her sister Laura meets and begins dating Officer Jay, the police officer who arrested her. Meanwhile, Brian tries to convince Steve that he’s bisexual.
2. “Humanitarian of the Year” – In order to upstage Jay for winning a Humanitarian of the Year award, Sarah invites a mentally unstable homeless man into her home to prove she is a caring person. Meanwhile, Steve gets upset when Brian fails to use his karate skills to defend him.
3. “Positively Negative” – Sarah decides to cure her boredom by taking an AIDS test and she assumes that she has AIDS before actually finding out the results of the blood test. She begins spending her sister’s money to become a spokeswoman for AIDS awareness. Meanwhile, Laura finds out that due to his strange relationship with his deceased mother, Jay never celebrated his birthday; so, she sets out to throw him his first birthday party. Jimmy Kimmel makes a cameo as Joan the Dispatcher.
4. “Not Without My Daughter” – Sarah encourages a young girl to enter a beauty pageant in order to fulfill her own childhood dreams. Meanwhile, after Steve farts in a police car and refers to it as a “bomb” during a phone conversation with Brian, he and Brian are brought in for questioning by the NSA.
5. “Muffin Man” – Sarah attempts to explore her sexuality by pretending to be a lesbian. Meanwhile, Brian and Steve argue over Tab.
6. “Batteries” – Sarah searches for AA batteries so that she can use her remote to turn off a television benefit for extremely sick children, and then sings a song about the world’s problems after accidentally pooping during a farting match, and Sarah has a one-night stand with God. Though it was the last to air, this episode was actually the pilot. The episode “Muffin Manâ€, which aired a week earlier, included a flashback to this episode.
Season Two: Volume I
1. “Bored of the Rings” – Sarah discovers that the community group she recently joined is a radical anti-abortion group intent on bombing the clinic where Laura volunteers. Meanwhile, a Dungeons & Dragons game interferes with Steve and Brian’s plans for a date night.
2. “Joan of Arf” – Authorities take Sarah’s dog Doug away when she is witnessed licking his hindquarters. Distraught, Sarah goes on a quest to redeem herself.
3. “Face Wars” – Sarah wagers that it’s easier to be a black person in American than a Jewish person, and attempts to prove it by becoming “black” for a day with the help of a makeup artist. She embarks on an odyssey in which she becomes the beloved and persecuted leader of a unique racial justice movement. Brian and Steve grievously miscalculate the potency of medical marijuana.
4. “Doodie” – After their mother’s grave – and skeleton – is defiled, the Silverman sisters become contestants on their favorite TV show in hopes of winning the money to replace the tombstone. In the stress of competition, Sarah’s childish obsession with doodie humor rocks her relationship with Laura, and threatens the honor of their departed mother.
5. “Ah, Men” – Sarah enters a serious romance with God. She starts to sour on his neediness and deep-seeded insecurity, but she also wants to show him off at her high school reunion. Brian and Steve wonder if smoking marijuana is what originally caused them to be gay.
6. “Maid to Border”- Sarah fires her maid, Dora, believing that she has stolen her beloved Hamburglar doll. When her life slips into filthy disarray, Sarah goes to Mexico to get her maid back, but Dora has since gained unexpected power.
Season Two: Volume II
7. “High, it’s Sarah” – Sarah gets high for the first time, and leaves herself a voicemail imploring herself to treat her stoned thoughts seriously, and to act on them. Some of these thoughts prove to be good ideas, others don’t. Jay inadvertently lets the world know that he had a nocturnal emission as a result of a dream about a local news correspondent.
8. “The Mongolian Beef” – Sarah discovers her Russian ancestors were raped by Mongolians. Believing this has personally affected her, even 800 years after the fact, Sarah sues the entire nation of Mongolia. Steve’s homemade short films get him some popularity with a demographic he’d never thought possible.
9. “Making New Friends” – Sarah thinks she’s psychic but quickly discovers her friends are just really predictable and boring. Her answer is to abandon her friends and trade them in for new ones. Steve’s pot-tits are out of control, but he doesn’t fully realize the seriousness until he slams them in a window.
10. “Patriot Act” – Sarah thinks she sees Osama Bin Laden on the street and runs him over with her car. After discovering it wasn’t the infamous terrorist, Sarah is ridiculed by the public, and sets out to make sure that no one forgets the horrors of 9/11. Steve misunderstands the term “full release”, and causes a catastrophe at a local massage parlor.
11. “Pee” - Sarah begins wetting the bed when she sleeps, leading her to give up sleep altogether. Meanwhile Brian and Steve argue over Brian’s facial hair and Jay becomes insecure about leaving behind his pet turtle to go on vacation.
12. “There’s No Place Like Homeless” – Sarah loses her keys, so has no choice but to become homeless. She meets an old friend who shows her the beauty of homelessness, causing Sarah to never want to go home again. Brian professes his loyalty to the dark lord by getting a Satan tattoo, and Steve’s faith is called into question when four terrible things happen to his penis at the same time.
13. “Fetus Don’t Fail Me Now” – Sarah is oblivious to the fact that she is 9-months pregnant, assuming she’s just been bloated. When she finally comprehends her situation, she realizes she may be in over her head. Steve throws his back out on the toilet, and Brian goes to save him. In doing so, he ends up in a similar predicament.
14. “I Thought My Dad Was Dead, but Turns Out He’s Not” – Sarah discovers that her father is not dead. When she and her father reconnect, they do what any father and daughter would: form a soft rock cover band. Brian spends a ridiculous amount of money on a DVD, then commits to watching it enough times that it will make itself more economical than if he’d rented it.
15. “Kangamangus” – Sarah strives to leave a legacy by creating a popular slang word: “Ozay.” While she struggles to get others interested, Brian effortlessly succeeds in the same pursuit with his word, “Dot-nose,” which he made up as an insult to Steve.
16. “Vow Wow” – Sarah mocks the institution of marriage by announcing that she and her dog, Doug, are engaged. But when Doug actually saves Sarah’s life, she ceases to view the “engagement” as sarcastic. Brian and Steve discover an old pickle jar that Steve farted in 10 years ago, which sparks a renaissance in their relationship.
Season Three:
1. The Proof is in the Penis – Laura purposely misinforms Sarah that she was born with both male and female genitals. Meanwhile, Steve and Brian are hunted by a ghost.
2. The Silverman and the Pillows – After Sarah’s brunch is interrupted by a children’s book reading, she decides to show everyone how easy it is to make children’s books and television. Meanwhile, Brain and Steven are informed that their genitals have an unpleasant odor.
3. A Slip Slope – Sarah sues Home Alone (the actual movie and not those who made it) for influencing her to accidentally murder her new neighbor. Her eloquent case about the dangerous influence of entertainment leads her to the position of official censor of Valley Village television. Brian seeks revenge on a bird who repeatedly defecates on his head. Tim Hiedecker from Tim and Eric makes a special appearance.
4. NightMayor – Sarah is sick of hearing about the upcoming mayoral election, so she amuses herself by campaigning for a fake write-in candidate whom she calls, “May Kadoody.” An actual May Kadoody steps forward when her name is, shockingly, announced as the winner. Kadoody outlaws brunch and gay marriage, interfering with Steve’s dream of marrying Brian.
5. Smellin’ of Troy – Sarah reconnects with her childhood imaginary friend, Troy, who lures into a life of sex and drugs. After Brian refuses to let Steve play in his band, Steve creates a song that mocks Brian, and gains immense popularity on the internet.
6. A Fairly Attractive Mind – Sarah has the mistaken epiphany that she is retarded, and tries to use her disability to inspire people. Brian and Steve accidentally bump heads while trying to pick up a magical dragon phone and switch bodies.