Chipotle restaurants just began featuring drink cups and food bags containing text by select celebrities. Author Jonathan Safran Foer curated the series, and he chose Sarah to be among the writers. Below is the content of Sarah’s cup text. For more about the restaurant’s campaign, see the Vanity Fair article or the People magazine article.
“Two-Minute Index” By Sarah Silverman
I always confuse NRA & NPR. Totally different tote bags. * Sometimes when I’m really lonely I talk to myself, but I call myself “you guys.” * There’s no way my heart can handle what’s in an email labeled ELEPHANTS REUNITING AFTER 20 YRS. * Nothing’s more attractive than an unending monologue about your shortcomings. * My dog is right. The bathroom is not a library. * I hate drama = I love drama. * Unfortunate is the man who employs baby talk. * A bull in pretty much any shop is gonna be a mess. * Saying “RELAX” is maybe the least relaxing word you can say to someone. * I still wake up so jazzed that I don’t have to go to school. * Some of the most misogynistic men I know are women. * “I hate clouds,” declared my dad out of nowhere. * Heartbreaking converges with crazy cute at the sight of tiny crutches. * The two saddest consecutive sentences: “He just wants attention. Don’t give it to him.” * Behind every great big bully is a great big bully. * People in cults don’t call their cults cults. * Let’s not wait for the apocalypse or an alien attack to love each other, y’all. * You don’t have to do what’s expected of you. * Just a quick reminder: other people exist. * It bothers me that I’m not your entire world. * We are all 100% going to die someday. * Your fancy frankenstein cross-breed vanity dog can’t breathe you obnoxious boob. * Spoiled rich kids who’ve never heard the word “no” are such a delight to be around in general. * Vote “No” on this spelling of Geoff. * You had me ‘til Hello.